The language of the soul begins with love. In the modern era, many of us have forgotten this and hence, we do need to go back to re-learning this law that is the primary law of our being complete wholesome human and humane beings.
We need to learn how to love everyone unconditionally — including our own self. This law can enable us to find the hidden strength and splendour within us and others. Unfortunately, we have never been taught how to love unconditionally. Almost all of our loving has been motivated by emotional desires programmed into us at an early age.
The most natural love that we all experience is that of a mother for her child. Miracles are created through this love. Later, we spend most of our lives trying to define and find ‘love’ in all our relationships.
Most of our love experiences have taught us we must earn or deserve love before we can have it and that others must deserve our love. This is conditional love. This is not love but a business transaction.
This is why our well-meaning but unskilled attempts to love usually end up in separation and alienation.
Parents tell their children they must get a certain number of grades to be loved. My friend, Anita’s (name changed) son was convinced that he should aim to become a doctor as there were successful doctors on both sides of his family. He tried his best but could not succeed. They kept pushing and prodding him. His self-esteem plummeted to the lowest level as he was just not being able to relate to the subject itself. When his lecturers said he would be rusticated, he took the awful plunge of committing suicide.
The above is of course an extreme case but depression and stress seems to be the name of the game in a world that is craving for love, true love. In the area of parenting, many parents have forgotten that what is required from them is just pure love and not proving a point to anyone. In fact, the most natural love that we all experience is that of a mother for her child. Miracles are created through this love. Later, we spend most of our lives trying to define and find ‘love’ in all our relationships.
In the Chakra theory, this is the second stage of being. This comprises of the Anahata center that is called the love center and the next center, the Visshudhi, that is both about communication and a sense of abundance.
Love comes with the unconditional acceptance of everyone and everything around us. And how do we do this? When your consciousness lives in the love centre, we instantly accept anything that anyone does or anything that happens, but of course, we are still entitled to our likes and dislikes. For instance, a mother will love her child even though he/she upsets the milk and it smashes on the kitchen floor but would take the next steps of course. In a situation like this, the mother thinks with love which is why she does not get emotionally upset. This love is great as it does show us what love truly is. Later, when we begin comparing our child with others, the love diminishes and our child begins to sense this and usually gets into a love center of his/her own.
We can do this only by transcending our security, sensation, and power requirements. For it is only your emotional programming disturbs us when the events outside do not conform with the programming that we have conditioned inside of us. As these requirements or addictions begin to melt away, we begin to experience everything and everyone around us in a different way. We view them not in terms of how they meet our needs but in just accepting what is happening around us.
We know that if they are consciously on the path, they will similarly accept your moment-to-moment happenings for this is what helps them grow, too. And if they are not consciously on the path and become angry, that’s their problem. The only thing we can do to help them is to set an example of strength and completeness.
We begin to find that you can instantly accept what was previously unacceptable emotionally. We must understand we really have no choice.
Most of us lead our entire lives trying to change whatever is happening all around us. This has to change if we need to understand what is our control and what is not. This itself can take a lifetime to understand.
This is why one of the prayers I deeply resonate with is the one of Reinhold Niebuhr who said, “God give me the serenity to accept Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.